


Together Forever and Never to Part

by Megalomaniacal



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Car Sex, F/M, Other, range rover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 15:21:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12460518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megalomaniacal/pseuds/Megalomaniacal
Summary: A fine piece of precision engineering would always be better than a fine piece of ass.





	Together Forever and Never to Part

**Author's Note:**

> I hate myself 
> 
> Pls don't take this fic seriously it's a joKE 
> 
> I am NOT attracted to cars I am scared of them since I crashed one hhhh  
> I thought this would be funny I am. Sorry

"Yeah baby," Dennis growled, dragging his fingertips along the flawless green exterior of his Range Rover. "Beautiful. My perfect vehicle, my beautiful piece of British land to sea craftsmanship." The car shined in the sunlight, sparkling like a supermodel would under spotlights on a stage. She was built just right, as if she was made just for him, just so that he could feel the warm metal under his fingertips. He could feel himself growing hard just from the feeling of her sleek exterior. 

She'd always been there for him, through his best and worst moments, even when his other friends weren't. He could always rely on her and her beautiful, flawless interior. The growl she made when he twisted the key always got him going, the vibrations in the car as he drove let him know that she wanted him. 

He finally opened her door, shivering at how smooth her handle felt, and entered her. Shutting the door was like entering his own private, erotic world, in which he could do whatever he liked. He turned the key and moaned out loud as she turned on. 

"All... terrain... vehicle..." Dennis murmured, palming himself for a few moments before putting his hands on the wheel, taking the car out of park, and starting to drive. He wanted to go somewhere more... private. 

He took his time driving around, erection straining against the constraints of his jeans. He could feel his precome soaking into the fabric as he thought about the car he was driving. He felt as if he'd burst by the time he parked on a dark, discreet road, making sure his doors were locked and his windows were rolled up before climbing into the back. 

He'd wedged a fleshlight between two of the seats, tight enough so he could make sweet love without it falling out, but loose enough that he could remove it when he gave the gang rides. He liked this best, the silicone replica of female genitalia nestled comfortable between the seats, pink and soft, ready to be penetrated. The car was still running, engine humming, as if begging for Dennis to penetrate. 

He rushed to strip off his pants, kicking his boxers off onto the floor. "You want me, baby?" He purred, rubbing his hands over the seats, not quite touching the fake vagina. "I hear you purring, you sexy amphibious vehicle, you. I know you want me." 

He pressed his cock against the seat, grinding on it for a while, precome smearing onto the leather. Rick Astley was playing quietly over the speakers, just low enough that he could still hear the needy humming of his car as he inched his cock between her beautiful, pink, silicone lips. He couldn't help but gasp.

"You're so tight, baby. I can feel you vibrating." He leaned down to kiss the seat, gently pulling out and thrusting back in. He was gentler with his car than he'd ever been with a woman, because his car was a sweet, sexy lover, one that Dennis could rely on. She would stick with him through land and sea, take him everywhere, bring him to his orgasm. 

No, she was not a starter car, nor was she a starter lover- she was much more. She was dark and mysterious, talented, tight and needy. A perfect lover. Most men would never know the tight perfection of a Range Rover, at least, not like he did. 

When he finished, he finished strong. She always gave him his best orgasms, engine humming as he blasted his come into the tight silicone tube, moaning and shouting and kissing her seats, laying flat on her as he came down, stroking her and murmuring, "Wasn't that good?" 

She was so much more than a starter car.


End file.
